Holding On
by FUjiwaRA AyuMi
Summary: Funny that the only time you can see me was when you couldn't see at all.. Ironic that once I've seen you that you'll be gone.. A SakuSasu fic, oneshot, character death..


He had just managed to block the blow from the opponent in front of him. He felt, more than saw, another enemy appearing behind. He heard the swishing of 2 kunai and again managed to dodge them, although just barely.

"You think you're good, Shinobi of the Leaf?" the high pitched voice sounded. "We Sound are not to be messed with… not to be…" the crackle of insane laughter followed the statement. Snow was falling quite heavily all around, the strong wind blowing chills to the bone.

They are crazy. Was the first thing that popped into his mind. As he was about to start worrying about his forgotten teammates the tree he was hiding behind blew up.

Stupid. He scolded himself. Focus, you idiot. You're not going to die here.

He was blast backwards but managed to catch hold of a tree branch and swing himself upwards as he threw shurikens and kunai in the direction of the attacker.

"NARUTO!" a piercing scream cut through the forest. Sakura.

Shit. Now's not the time to worry. He reminded himself as he lounged himself towards the direction of Sakura's voice. If Naruto was hurt, that means Sakura won't be able to protect herself for long.

The familiar crackle of laughter followed closely behind. "Run run run Shinobi, you can run but you can't hide…" the sing song voice chided.

"Fire: Grand Fireball no Jutsu!" he spun around to aim at the voice. The crazy Sound shinobi's laughter heightened.

"Dangerous, I say… So dangerous…" his eyes gleamed, "I'll kill you later. I spy a little lost flower ahead. She looks more fun than you are… I'll meet you there," he winked maliciously as he disappeared from his position.

Damn, he's fast. Sasuke concentrated his chakra at his feet. Please let me make it in time.

He found Sakura lying on the snow covered ground, her pink hair fanning her body, making a sharp contrast with the snow. Naruto was pinned against a big tree with 4 kunais. His arms were hanging at odd angles but he was still breathing.

He jumped up just in time to dodge some 12 kunais launched at him.

He whirled in the air to the direction of the attack. Sharingan in his eyes. He managed to block a few punches aimed at his head. Using his opponent's fist as leverage, he flipped himself and aimed a kick towards his opponents side.

Contact.

As his opponent slide 2 metres backwards, he activated his trap. 5 kunais were released aimed perfectly at his opponent's critical points. Just as they were going to hit, the Sound nin disappeared again.

"Too slow…" he breathed behind him. Sasuke felt a sharp pain across his back as the Sound nin slashed him with his katana, then jumped back again.

Sasuke turned around, as he was about to attack again, an eagle flew towards the Sound nin. It squawked once and flew away again. Sasuke tensed. He tried to move a step back, only to find that his whole body was paralyzed. The katana was poisonous.

The obnoxious smile grew wider and the gleam in his eyes shone more maliciously. "You were fun… but Orochimaru-sama said I have to end this now… end this now… I'm going to have to make sure the Sharingan user won't exist anymore… Make sure…" His hand disappeared into his pocket to return again with a phial of bright yellow fumes. Sasuke's knees buckled as his last remaining strength faded away. His vision was slowly blurring away. The loud crackle of laughter was brought down to a dull thud in his mind. Somewhere he heard the breaking of glass and a sharp hissing sound.

Before he lost conscious, he felt something soft slamming into him. That was all that he could remember. He thought he saw a flicker of pink before darkness enveloped him.

--

Uchiha Sasuke woke up in darkness, and pain. He moaned softly.

Immediate bustling sound could be heard. The strong smell of disinfectant confirmed his doubt. He was alive and in a hospital. Suddenly, he felt hands molding chakra touching him.

"Lay back and don't move. Tsunade-sama will be with you in awhile. It's a miracle that you woke too…" there was sympathy in the voice.

"Where's…" he whispered.

"Your team mates? The blond boy is still in a coma. He will be waking up soon. The poisons the Sound nin used are quite intricate. But he has the Kyuubi in him. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Sakura…" he was worried about a teammate, he told himself. Nothing more. But the worry was gnarling at him so much that he couldn't stand it.

"Oh, the pink haired girl… She-

The nurse was interrupted by rustling of sheets beside him.

Sasuke felt stupid as he began to notice the familiar chakra just beside him. Sakura was alright.

"Water…" she whispered.

"Oh dear, don't you move…" the nurse went back to her professional mode as she bustled around Sakura.

Sasuke leaned back into the pillows. Suddenly he stiffened again. He still couldn't see.

--

He woke up to the sound of whisperings. The nurse had given him some sedatives after his little episode of rage and panic. His proud Sharingan wasn't functioning. Heck, his eyes weren't even functioning.

The whispering ceased. He could feel the Godaime's chakra nearby.

"Sasuke, are you fit to listen like a real Shinobi is trained to or are you still going to act like a little spoilt child? You have given my nurses a lot of problems Uchiha," Tsunade warned.

Sasuke's face showed no emotions. He was trying to remain calm. He gave no reply.

"Good. Now we can talk civilly. First, I would like to tell you that the Sound nin you encountered is already dead, thanks to the ANBU scouting team who came in time. Secondly, you were poisoned by a katana wound on your back, in which I have partially removed the poison. Third, you inhaled another type of poison before we got there to save you, thankfully you only inhaled a very tiny amount of it. I would like to explain that the reason you cannot see at all now is due to that poison."

"Is there a cure?" he asked calmly.

A minute of silence.

"Hmm… I'm still into it, the poison is very complicated. It's mainly neurotoxic. Destroys your sensory cells progressively each day. That would explain the pain you will be having. It starts with your eyes, that's why you cannot see now. Then it progressively destroy every other tissue in your body. If you're going to die, I would predict it to be due to heart failure or internal bleeding, since your body probably won't be able to take the toxic for much longer," she explained calmly. "But then you only did inhaled a small quantity of it. The medicine I'm giving you now will help slow down the toxic effects. But please prepare beforehand. You may never be able to see again."

As the door clicked shut. Sasuke felt very helpless. He wanted to throw another tantrum again. He sighed with frustration.

"Don't worry…" her voice said softly, "Tsunade-sama is the best medical ninja. She will find a cure for you, Sasuke-kun."

"You won't understand!" he shouted, his unconscious mind glad that he could at least have another outlet to release his anger and pain. "How could you understand? I, a Sharingan user, cannot even see!"

Silence.

"Sasuke-kun, you may be right that I don't understand, but that doesn't stop me from caring. I don't want you to hurt yourself-

"DO NOT pity me. I won't forgive you for that!" he shouted again.

This time, he didn't hear a response. But his heart started to feel guilty as the sound of soft sobbing muffled by the pillow traveled to his ears.

--

He woke up again to the sounds of whispers. He couldn't tell whether it was morning or night. But he could tell that the visitor was the 5th Hokage herself. The pain was getting worst also.

He sensed a nurse coming over. She propped him up and gave him a glass of water. She then gave him a bottle.

"Take that medicine Sasuke. It's for the pain," Tsunade explained.

He obediently swallowed the medicine, fighting the urge to gag, grimacing at the horrible bitterness of liquid. Ears perk up, hoping to catch a few exchanged words between the Hokage and Sakura.

"You promise, Tsunade-sama?" he heard Sakura whisper.

"Yes, Sakura, although I don't know the reason why. I will promise you this one thing. Get more rest. Take your medicine. Get well soon," with that, she left the room again.

After a period of silence, Sasuke decided to put down his pride and give in to the gnarling feeling in his heart called guilt.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he whispered.

"Don't worry about it, Sasuke-kun. I've already forgotten about it," she said. And he could almost see her smile.

--

A week passed by. And yet he was still confined to the hospital room. He missed the outside world. He would do anything to get outside, if only for a little while. Tsunade have managed to concoct a counter poison for him, which he have been taking since, it was horrible to the taste, made him feel very queasy and gave him an extremely sore head. But he could feel his body very slowly returning to normal.

He was getting restless again.

"From you chakra pattern, I'm going to say that you're getting restless again."

Talk about speaking the obvious, Sasuke thought. She's good at chakra manipulation. The one thing that she'll always be better than me… he thought again, with an unfamiliar feeling. Was that jealousy? He asked himself.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun?" she broke the silence again, voice awfully cheerful.

"Hn."

"Can I ask you a question?" he could feel her smiling again.

"Hn."

"What do you get when the snow melts?"

"Aa…water of course," he answered, slightly annoyed to be asked such a pathetic question.

"Hmm… wrong there, genius…" she started laughing, her clear laughter brought a sudden warmth in his heart, it felt so alien yet he couldn't help but try to hold on to it.

"Then what do you get?" he decided to humor her.

"Don't you know, Sasuke-kun?" she teased, "You get spring!"

The little exchange was interrupted by the nurse bringing their routine medication.

--

Another week came and went, and yet he was still confined to his little room. Naruto, it seems, haven't been able to wake from his coma yet, but the Hokage assured him that all is fine with the dead-last and that he should be worrying more about himself. When he'd asked about the progress of his condition, she had said that it was progressing in a good way, and that he may after all, be able to keep his sight.

Sakura was still in the same room as he was. It came to him one day that he didn't know why she was in the hospital in the first place. He'd decided that he'll ask her later.

He sighed aloud.

"What's the matter, Sasuke-kun?" he could hear her stir in her bed.

"Nothing," he lied.

"Oh, come on, do tell, since we're both so bored, might as well make the best of it."

He considered lying again. But then what she said was also true, maybe she could help him get rid of some of his frustration.

"I miss seeing," he said.

"Oh?" she sounded startled, as if least expecting that for an answer or any answer at all. She remained quiet, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I… miss the outside. I… we haven't been out for quite a while already. I kinda miss the woods and training…"

"Hmm… do you want me to describe it to you, Sasuke-kun?" he could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"Describe what?" he asked, quite confused.

"It's obvious you're finding yourself forgetting about the beauty of nature after not being able to see it for so long. How about I describe it for you? There's a window…" she trailed off, suddenly unsure of herself.

He smiled. He knew that by saying yes, he would have made her day. Why not? Maybe just to feel her smile, maybe that was enough for now.

"Ok."

As expected he could practically feel her beaming at him. He heard her scurrying of her bed to somewhere on the far left of the room. Then he heard her sighed.

"Sasuke-kun, its mid day now, the window is over viewing the park… you know… the one with the Sakura trees."

"Hn," he acknowledge hearing, he had lean back onto his bed and started to relax, soothed by her voice and the picture she was painting for him.

"The sun is shining brightly. The Sakuras are starting to bloom, you could see the pink petals peaking out from the buds. Then there's a group of children, three of them, there's a girl and she's playing on the swing, the two boys are playfully fighting while she watched on, they're laughing. The sky is ever so blue today, and there's a flock of birds flying towards east. I think that they're cranes…"

And that was how they spend the days, with her telling him everything that was going on in the outside world, while he occasionally answered with an "Hn" or an "Ah" to show that he was still listening.

He had never known that the world outside could be that beautiful. Maybe what they say is true in some ways, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. He made a silent promised to himself, the first thing he's going to do when he regain his sight, is to take her to the park she so very well described. Just to appreciate the beauty of nature.

At the end of the day, after the routine nurse came with their medicine and left, he told her something that made her smile ever so softly. Although he couldn't have seen it.

"Sakura?"

"Yes, Sasuke-kun?" her voice never stops making him feel warm.

"Thank you."

--

It was very early in the morning. He could hear her breathing steadily, softly, a sure sign that she was still sleeping.

He was going to ask her tonight. He'd forgotten again, to ask her why was she still in the hospital. He could feel himself growing stronger, could feel his chakra pulsing at a steadier rate, yet her chakra seems to fade with days. He was worried, but it never seems important because if it was a life and death situation, Tsunade would have told him, or even Sakura would have told him something at least.

Tonight, he would ask her.

The door opened to admit the Hokage herself, she was here to do her routine examination.

"Aa… my favourite patient, Sasuke! I've got good news for you!" she said cheerfully.

That got his attention.

"You've been healing well. I would say that you would be able to regain your sight within these 3 days. Congratulations. I was able to neutralize 90 of the poison within you. The other 10, your body is able to flush it out of your system in time."

"Thank you Hokage-sama," he said sincerely, he could feel the happiness within him bubbling up. He was going to tell Sakura when she wakes up later. He heard the Hokage walk towards her bed and the sound of chakra molding. He knew Sakura would be pleased that he would be able to see again. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was to see her smile again. Just for her to smile.

As he was deep in thoughts, smiling to himself, he heard them whispering, apparently Sakura has woken up and she was conversing with the Hokage. He could barely hear what was being said even though he had strained his ears to do so. He could only hear the Godaime sighing loudly, ruffling Sakura's head and leaving the room.

Silence filled the ward once more. For the first time, Sasuke was the first to break it.

"Sakura?" he asked, voice tinge with worry.

"Hai? Sasuke-kun?" she wasn't suppose to sound so weak, he frowned. Tonight couldn't wait.

"Sakura… what's wrong with you?" he asked softly.

She didn't answer immediately, as if trying to find an excuse or a way to answer him.

"Ne Sasu-

"Sakura…" he cut her off, "Don't lie to me."

He heard her sighed, then she laughed a laugh so unlike her usual ones, this one sounded like she was laughing at herself, filled with sadness.

It doesn't suit her, was his first thought, she was supposed to be happy, suppose to always be happy. Something was wrong and she was hiding it, something was wrong and he needed to know.

"Sasuke-kun?" she called out weakly.

"Hai, Sakura."

"Did I tell you that the Sakura season is ending soon?"

(Flashback)

"And the wind is blowing the petals, you could see them dancing gracefully one last time before landing on the ground, the whole ground is littered with them, it makes the park look ever so pink," she laughed.

"Like your hair?" he had said suddenly. She paused, caught off guard, and continued.

"Yes, just like my hair."

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Yes?"

"When the Sakura petals fall… do you think it's because of the wind? Or is it because the tree didn't hold on to it strong enough?" she had asked, her voice so quiet it scared him.

He didn't know how to answer that one. And was saved by the nurse barging in with their medicine.

(endFlashback)

"Hai," he answered, an invisible band constricting his heart, suddenly he didn't want her to continue what she was going to say.

"You never did answer my question that day, Sasuke-kun."

"Hai."

"Sasuke-kun… im dy-

"No you're not," he cut in again. He didn't want to hear it, it couldn't be true, it was not suppose to be this way.

She was smiling again. For some reason not known to him, she was smiling again. He could sense it.

"Ok… I'm not," she re-assured him.

--

"The little girl didn't come today, the two boys seems restless. It like there's no one to witness them fighting for no reason at all," she laughed.

"I saw the last petal fall today, the trees are bare now. What's left of the petals on the ground were swept away yesterday, it was like they were never there."

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"Will you miss this season when it's over? I think I would, I think I would miss the Sakuras in full bloom."

"I think I would too," he answered half an hour later.

--

He woke up late into the night. It was like something was calling out to him, and he immediately knew what was wrong. He was at her bedside in a flash. Her breathing was irregular, it was shallow and fast. His sight was returning little by little during those two days, he was able to make out her outline.

"Sa…suke…" she had whispered.

"I'm here…" he had answered while carefully cradling her into his arms.

He could see her pink hair. Her green eyes.

"Sakura, hold on, I'm going to get Tsunade-sama here," he was about to get up when she grip his shirt tightly and shook her head.

"Don't leave me… not now…" she pleaded.

He held on to her tighter.

"I don't want to die," she said suddenly.

"You're not!" he answered sternly, "You're not going to die."

"Just when I've finally found you… just when you've finally seen me…" she continued, as if she didn't hear him, her eyes filling with tears.

He could see, just abit more.

Just to see her smile again.

"Shh…" he didn't know what else to say, he was shocked to feel a tear slid down his cheek, he couldn't remember crying.

"You can't blame the tree," he said quietly, still clutching onto her, "It tried to hold on…"

He could see her now. Ever so clear, just like he remembered.

And she was smiling.

"I've always love you, you know?" her eyes were fluttering close, her tears were streaming down her face.

"I know… I know…" he reassured her, and he hugged her closer, and whispered in her ears, "and do you know what? I think I love you too…"

She was crying now, still smiling but crying at the same time.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun…" he was still hugging her when the medical team arrived. He was still crying when they took her away from him. Maybe just this once, she had been the one to walk away.

--

He didn't sleep. He couldn't. Tsunade-sama came in for his final checkup once dawn broke. He was pronounced healthy and able. He was about to get up and leave when he noticed something in the room, or the lack of something.

He called out the Hokage before she could leave. She turned around.

"Hokage-sama, there isn't any window…" he whispered.

"Aa… so you've found out…" she smiled, "Your next question would be what truly was wrong with Sakura, am I right?"

He could only nod.

She motioned for him to sit down, and he did. She pulled a chair to the bedside and sat opposite him.

"You see… in the hospital, for the sake of saving effort, we put patients with the same disease or problems in the same ward," she said slowly, waiting for him to digest this news.

His eyes widen, a certain memory triggered in his mind.

--

"To make sure that that Sharingan of yours won't fall into another hand again… won't fall again… Make sure…" and then the laughter crackled once more. He threw the phial on the ground, breaking it to many pieces, and fumes started to escape from the bottle, as if having a life of its own, it flowed towards Sasuke. At that moment, Sakura pushed him away. Taking in the full blown effect of the poison.

--

"She pushed me away… Why didn't she tell me?" he asked, suddenly anger taking control of his emotions.

"Because she loves you," the Hokage answered, "She loves you enough to risk her life, to sacrifice herself if the need arises. She was hoping that if you ever opened up to her, it won't be because of guilt, it would have been because you wanted it to be."

"I fell in love with her…"

"I know…"

"I should have died instead…"

"Yes you should, but she changed that. The reason why she chose to hide the truth from you was to prevent you from torturing yourself with guilt."

"Sasuke… life as a shinobi, you're bound to lose one of your teammates sooner or later, there's no used beating yourself up over this, she gave you life, she gave you love, she gave you new meaning… I think you should honor what she had given you to the utmost extent, don't disgrace her memory."

"Before I forget, she'd left you this," he caught the scroll she threw at him.

"Take care, Sasuke…" with that, the Godaime left.

--

Sasuke-kun,

It's hard writing without being able to see, you know… so don't you complain about my handwriting

If you're reading this, than I suppose that Tsunade-sama has cured your eyesight and that I've passed on.

I just wanted you to know that I've never blame you for that incident, and I really don't wish for you to feel guilty about it.

I'm grateful that we were able to talk throughout this whole episode. I was glad to be able to make you smile.

I don't think I could ever forget you, Sasuke-kun. Even if I tried.

Will you forget me when I'm gone?

Take care of Naruto for me, take care of yourself also. Although I've left quite early, I leave with no regrets. No regrets because I've met you, someone who I could love. No regrets because I've met Naruto, someone who's a great friend.

Do take care of each other when I'm gone. Pay me a visit once in awhile. Tsunade-sama said my name was worth getting carved into the memoir stone.

Love forever, Sakura.

--

It was snowing again. He had just come back from a mission. His feet instinctually brought him to the park, Sakura blossoms were starting to peak out their buds.

He saw a little girl, trying to reach for one of the blooming Sakura, she had almost managed to reach it when she slipped and fell. Sasuke walked over.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he helped her up.

"I'm alright," she answered offhandedly as she glared at the blossom.

As he turned to walk away, he heard her call out.

"Hey mister…"

He turned back to face her.

"What do you get when the snow melts?" she was grinning at him.

His eyes widen. Then his features soften.

"Spring, little girl, you'll get spring," and he heard her laughed brightly as he walked away.

He was holding on to her forehead protector in his pocket again, a habit he had grown to have. She had left it for him, wrapped up nicely in the scroll. He was sitting on the park bench, overviewed by the hospital, with Sakura trees in full bloom.

And from where he was sitting, he could see 3 children in the park, one girl on a swing watching over the 2 boys playfully fighting.

And as the first petal drifted off with the wind, Uchiha Sasuke smiled.

The tree will still hold on.

--

Author's Note:

A Chinese proverb (direct translation) : As the leaf falls from the tree on a windy dusk, one could only wonder… was it because of the ever strong temptation of the wind? Or was it because the tree never did hold on tight enough?

Story was inspired by a HarryPotter Fanfiction read long ago.

"When snow melts we get spring" idea came from FruitBasket.


End file.
